Touché! Reply to Talon's Challenge!
by Tori Yuki Ichimura
Summary: The pilots decide to go to a Valentines Day dance at their highschool. As always, chaos ensues. Yuri, panties, and chibi-whales with oatmeal.


**Touché!**

            Duo stood in front of the hall mirror, adjusting his tie. It was the night of the Valentines Day dance and almost everyone had "managed" to find a date. Or two…

            "Duo-chan!!!" two feminine voices chorused followed by two pairs of sparkling blue eyes peering around the corner. "We found you!" Duo smiled to himself. 

'Not one, but two lovely ladies,' he thought as they bounded around the corner, holding hands. Relena was wearing a backless white dress cut a few inches above the knee to expose her tanned legs, while Duet wore a black dress of the same style with her hair in side buns reminiscent of a certain Sailor Scout. Smiling, Duo pinned each with a rose, Relena a light pink, and Duet a crimson.

They all looked up just in time to see Wu Fei stomp down the stairs, eating Chinese take-out and sporting a pair of white silk boxers. And nothing else, might I add…

"Aren't you going to the dance, Wuffles?" Duet asked innocently, rushing up to him. 

"Are you nuts, Onna!? There's no time to worry about trivial things like that at a time like this!"

Duet cocked her head to the side and blinked twice. "You're not going?"

"NO! Of course not!"

"Well, suit yourself, Wu Fei," Duo sighed. The girls rushed over to him and each claimed an arm. He turned the knob on the door and Wu Fei let out a horrible screech.

"You ARE insane!" he yelled, throwing himself against the door to shut it. The, he ran to the closet and pulled out a humongous down coat, a hat, gloves, and snow pants. Donning them quickly, he then dashed into the living room to sit between the fire and a space heater. 

            "What's his problem?" Relena wondered aloud, but they shrugged the incident off and stepped outside. At the end of the driveway, Heero and Sally sat in their limo waiting. Sally opened the moon roof and stuck her head through to wave to the approaching coup- er, trio. 

"I'm sorry to keep you guys so long. Why didn't you honk?" Duo asked, opening the door for Duet and Relena.

            Just then, a the window to the living room opened and a carton of fried tofu came flying out, splattering against the windshield. "Stupid bitch! Get the Hell off our property!" Wu Fei cried, waving another carton threateningly. Relena pulled the door shut and the limo sped off. 

In a few minutes (depending on how fast you read) they pulled up outside Quatre's house. The blond appeared silhouetted in the doorway, pausing a moment for Noin to join him. They then rushed across the grassy semi-circle formed by the driveway and jumped into the car.

            "Hi, guys!" they smiled.

            The others already in the car thought up other partially creative greetings and voiced them before settling into their regular chatter again. Sally and Noin gossiped about their new internships and the guys about last nights sports game while Duet and Relena played a game of tongue-tag across from them. Luckily, it was a pretty big limo.

            "Where are Trowa and Midii Une?" someone eventually asked. I think it might have been Quatre, but who knows…

            "They took Marimeia to the amusement park," Heero replied.

"Oh, that's right! It's Marimeia's birthday tomorrow!" Sally recalled.

"Speaking of people who aren't here… I heard Zechs is seeing Dorothy," Quatre said distractedly, plucking a short black hair off his shoulder and handing it back to Noin.

            "But isn't Milliardo seeing Cathy?" Noin frowned, ruffling Quatre's hair.

            "Uh-oh…" the guys laughed, exchanging glances. When they looked back, the limo door was swinging open and Quatre and Noin were gone.

            "…?" Duo scratched his head and the others shrugged and pulled the door shut.

            After a  bit of a drive, they pulled up outside none other than… IMMACULATA!!! [A/N: yes, I miss high school so badly] Duo, Duet, Relena, Sally, and Heero piled out of the car and walked in through the front entrance. Almost immediately a photographer pulled Heero and Sally over to stand in front of a peach curtain for a picture. They looked adorable together, Heero in his casual take on a formal outfit and Sally in her rose-colored ankle-length dress.

            When it came to Duo's turn, he looked back and forth between the two. Finally, he came to a conclusion. Gesturing to the two, he stepped back and let them onto the set. They laughed and posed, standing back to back but leaning over slightly on Duet's side. The photographer, homophobic that she probably was, grimaced and begrudgingly snapped the photo.

            With that, they followed the other couple inside, dragging their bishounen along behind them. In the gym, 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls is playing and a few couples were dancing. Heero immediately ran up to the DJ, grabbed the microphone, and started belting out all the lyrics he knew.

_And I don't want the world to see me…_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am…_

Relena and Duet were dancing with each other so Duo sat by the wall until another girl asked him, which didn't take long. He would have danced with Sally, but Heero was too busy making her hold his microphone while he rubbed her shoulders and back. I always knew he was a strange boy…

While they were dancing, they bumped into Noin and Quatre, who had apparently returned. Behind them were two more teenagers, the boy looking suspiciously like Hilde in a tux.

The pair took notice of Duet and Relena's staring and sweatdropped, pretending not to notice. 

Then, it was time for the break dancing contest. The entire mass of people formed a circle and random kids would jump into the middle and compete for the most applause. Duo, Heero, and Quatre all tried it, but failed miserably. When the girls laughed at them, they were promptly pushed into the middle. For lack of any better ideas, Duet and Relena began to strip each other, much to the delight of every straight male attending. If it hadn't been for the wall of people, the principal might have kicked them out then and there, but the two were only down to their panties and bras before the song ended. 

Once that finished, the school spirit chant began to officially kick off the dance. [A/N: just making this up…] Heero handed the mike over to the DJ and joined the others. 

"IHS WHALES! IHS WHALES! IHS WHALES!" the students yelled at the top of their lungs. The mascot, caught off-guard, was forced into the middle of the gym mid-bowl of oatmeal. He stood there, hoping no one recognized him, when suddenly, the lights all flashed on and the music stopped. The cheer died out and everyone fell into hushed conversations. Because SOMEONE had pulled the mascot's mask off.

"MARIMEIA!!!" Trowa yelled, discarding the oatmeal as the giggling seven-year-old in a smaller whale costume ran off waving Heero's self-detonation switch in one hand and another bowl of oatmeal in the other. Midii appeared from behind a corner and scooped her up.

"Don't yell at her, Trowa! She's only little!"

"ARE YOU KIDDING-"

Trowa's sentence was cut short when something crashed through the glass roof. "I am the terror that flaps in the night!" it cried, holding it's black cape under its nose so only it's eyes showed through its black cowl.

"Wrong show, Fei…" Duet frowned, looking to Quatre for a second opinion but she didn't see him anywhere. Hmmm… Noin was gone too…

Wu Fei stood upright in the middle of a pile of shattered glass. "I have discovered the reason for the drop in temperature! It is by the hand of none other than my nemesis, Victor Freeze!" The Chinese boy then pulled a light-up Happy Meal™ Freeze toy and started making dinosaur noises.

            Everyone was staring at him when a plastic batman joined the fight so they didn't notice Talon and Tori enter. Talon was wearing a rumpled tux, and Tori had on a black and red kimono.

            "What in the name of all that is holy…" Talon began.

            "It's sad, isn't it?" Tori frowned.

            "You're doing it wrong, Wu Fei!" Talon rushed up to the boy and snatched Batman away. Chang began to cry as the author tried to explain to him what weapon the Dark Knight would _really_ use.

            Tori facefaulted and had to be helped to her feet again by Quatre, who reappeared as suddenly as he disappeared.

            "I think someone should tell them it's only getting colder because it's winter…" the blond boy whispered.


End file.
